~~Frustration~~

What to do. I tried tonight to just put the past few months, feelings and anger aside, have a decent meal TOGETHER and see how it felt. That was short lived. First he came home late, then has the nerve to complain and the topper, needs to go out to get a haircut..Whatever, I just came to bed. AHHHH I can't put myself out there, I know I will only get hurt once again. WTF how did I get here. This is not the life I was supposed to live. Something has got to give. Until next time.

Have you ever felt like you were standing in the middle of a crowded room, screaming and no one hears you. That is how I feel all the time. It seems like no matter what I try to do, everything I say....nothing changes. I can't take this anymore. Since finding out about my husbands issues last November, everything I thought I knew, hopes and plans for the future are slowly slipping away. I never would have thought "this" would be my life. I need to find a way to get past this anger, I'm so pissed that my family is being torn apart. Yes we are still all under the same roof, but with the way things are going, somethings gotta change, so I can overcome this anger. We have two beautiful children to think about and I owe it to them to respect their dad and to get along with him. God how did we get here.
I know there's things we should try or try again, like counseling, but I need to feel that he truly, sincerely wants to work on this without all the outsiders chiming in. A professional, well okay but only if I see some action, not just "all the right words"!!!
I want to get passed this anger, and try to forgive but how do I do that when there's no remorse or actions to indicate that a future together is the goal. I cannot let down my guard and trust him, only to get hurt again, no thanks I'd rather go separate ways now and try to start healing and start on a new/different path.
Okay I'm going to sleep on this a pick-up tomorrow.