Tuesday, October 27, 2009
NO CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!I've busted my ass for damn near a year,Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.And just when I thought that things would get betterThose assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funnyWho the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?And the kids these days--they all are the pitsThey want the impossible--Those mean little shitsI spent a whole year making wagons and sledsAssembling dolls...Their arms, legs and headsI made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!Flying through the air...dodging the treesFalling down chimneys and skinning my kneesI'm quitting this job there's just no enjoymentI'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Do one thing everyday that makes you feel totally alive......
What a concept..I tend to feel alive just waking up. So how do I do this??
1. Meditation
2. Sing really loud
3. ....................................................UNFORTUNATELY EVERYTHING ELSE THAT COMES TO MIND IS ILLEGAL!!!!!!
To be continued (after some thought)
What a concept..I tend to feel alive just waking up. So how do I do this??
1. Meditation
2. Sing really loud
3. ....................................................UNFORTUNATELY EVERYTHING ELSE THAT COMES TO MIND IS ILLEGAL!!!!!!
To be continued (after some thought)
Monday, October 19, 2009
LEARNING
If I worry a lot, then day after day I am learning how to worry even better. If I think about doing something a lot, then I am learning how to think about doing. Every moment I am happy, I am learning how to be even happier. Every time I act, I am learning how to take an action even better.( What is it that you are learning today? What is it that you want to learn tomorrow?)
Today I have learned to let go of the past and concentrate on the future!!!
I believe that with some hard work, communication and patience, my marriage can be better then ever.
I now believe people can change when they are open to seeing what it is theyv'e been doing that no longer works.
TOMORROW I HOPE TO LEARN THAT I AM NOT A FOOL!!
I want to learn how I can continue to be positive, listen and be supportive and open to a new beginning!!
Today I have learned to let go of the past and concentrate on the future!!!
I believe that with some hard work, communication and patience, my marriage can be better then ever.
I now believe people can change when they are open to seeing what it is theyv'e been doing that no longer works.
TOMORROW I HOPE TO LEARN THAT I AM NOT A FOOL!!
I want to learn how I can continue to be positive, listen and be supportive and open to a new beginning!!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
The New Plan
Another day, another plan.. So it has been suggested to me that I take a self searching workshop course. We will take it together and try to see where to go. I wasn't sure at first, but as I look at the new events that have accured in "MY" life, the actions I have chosen, it's a good idea now. I need to figure things out before I self distruct. I now realise that in my anger I am going to end up doing something that will be unforgivable. I don't want to hurt anyone, but someone is going to get hurt. I think I tried to move on or make something in my life that just isn't there. So I have to face what is and that is I'm not ready to move on in many ways especially emotionally till I can come to terms with what has happened with my marriage.
I wish it didn't have to be this complicated, but it is.
So it's time to do the right thing and be honest, most of all wwith myself!!
I wish it didn't have to be this complicated, but it is.
So it's time to do the right thing and be honest, most of all wwith myself!!
Friday, October 9, 2009
TRUST YOURSELF
If you do not, then you will forever be looking to others to prove your own merit to you, and you will never be satisfied. You will always be asking others what to do and at the same time resenting their help. Trust in yourself starts with being ok with the consequences of your decisions.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
MIRACLE
There are only two ways to live your life: One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as if everything is. Don't wait for miracles, your whole life is a miracle. Everything we have is a blessing, enjoy!!!
INFERIOR
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. You have to agree that you are less and that someone else is more to feel inferior. If you don't agree, you can not possibly feel inferior. You might know something less, or you might be ...able to do something less, but you ARE unique and hence simply incomparable. Do not buy into being reduced to an object of comparison.
BLESSED
This last year I have realized that life and the relationships we make throughout are surprising, wonderful and painful all at the same time, and it sure does make it interesting, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am blessed....
I BELIEVE
Hate is the poison in this world, slowly eating us alive. Can we decide to and act upon a life without distrust in one another and, understand each individual for whom they are inside and out "Love them with all the love we have?"... I believe we can!!
Casual Sex - Casual Intimacy
The last few days have been a bit odd. I’ve been having a very indescribable feeling. It hasn’t been heart break for sure, nor loss or emptiness really, just a confusion and lack of direction. Also wanting to talk to my friend… but that’s expected.
I think what has been bugging me the most the last few days has been trying to figure out what exactly was the problem that led to the uncomfortable unsure feeling I, as well as he, was suffering from… and I am pretty sure my brain has used the last 3 days and sorted it out finally, at least to some extent.
In the short: You can’t force a casual relationship from an attraction that by nature isn’t just casual.
Casual Sex ≠ Casual Intimacy – since by definition, intimacy isn’t casual
Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and close connection with another as a result of entering into a relationship through knowledge and experience of and with the other. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity.
I’ve come to realize that Friends With Benefits or having casual sex only works, when you are physically attracted first and friends second, typically not even *great friends and usually only due to a shared interest or two which led to the initial meeting in the first place. Which is the reason you usually can’t turn friends with benefits into anything but that, since there is nothing to base an actual intimate relationship on.
Wheres the problem then? I mean, that’s really how the majority of actual lasting relationships are started, usually very good relationships*. If you can be good friends first, you pretty much have it made!
*although, ignorance is bliss tends to mean that “love at first sight” or physical attraction being the main factor in a relationship, can work for some people – I, and most of my good friends, just happen to not fit that category
Unless… you try to force it to be something its not. Much like if you were to try to force a fling or mainly sexual situation into being a lasting relationship, you can’t go the other way either.
Enter the main problem: He has no idea what he wants, or really likes/is looking for, and just, for many good reasons, isn’t ready for anything that involves commitment. I, however, know, at least in most ways, what type of people and connections I want to have in my life, be it in a relationship or just lasting friendship. I know what I am looking for, and can tell when I find something worth holding onto in whatever way.
That being said, I knew his problems from the get go so I had to tell myself to go into this and not get involved past a certain point, which, on many levels worked just fine. I cared, and will continue to care quite a bit because that’s who I am, but I didn’t fall, which is why I can handle this in a fairly sane way right now I suppose. Yay.
However, because we agreed our attraction is built on something more intangible/communication based, you can only turn off so much without feeling like something isn’t quite right at any given time.
Like you don’t know how to feel about the other person. Should you want to see them more? less? Should you care what they want? should you not care? Is it ok to plan something or does that make it worse? WTF am I doing?!??!?…
in short: Just because you know you aren’t ready or you know they aren’t in a place for something, doesn’t mean you can change the way you connected in the first place.
This, I believe, will ultimately create uncomfortableness until both parties find themselves in the same (or at least much closer) place/time.
Enter the issue: On top of all of this basic knowledge, you throw in a few outside comments, a little ill-defined intentions, misread thoughts, and some “way too soon” situations, that even committed new COUPLES can’t handle well, and you are in for a world of frustration and stress.
A game plan in a perfect world would be to “start over” when both parties are on the same field. Do what comes easy, restart that friendship, and talking, let the sex and intimacy enter naturally again, and just be by yourselves, 100% committed to forming an actual relationship. Communicating about likes, dislikes, dos and don’ts and go from there. Let the first few weeks or month be just for you two and after that, bring in other people in the normal way, go together to a party, where you can break off and mingle, and relax. Do this in spurts, maybe then find another newer couple as well, and define your relationship to the other people, and discuss what you are comfortable with when out with your partner before hand. Finally, if/when the need arises, spend time with more serious couples in less serious situations, movies, games, parties… and work up to dinners and more private events, and always, make time for couple time as well as alone time in healthy amounts. This assures a much less stressful and healthy environment for a relationship to grow from.
Not only in my situation did we do ALL of the above incorrectly and too quickly, we did it while not even in an relationship and forcing an incompatible “definition”, or lack there of, that would probably never work, because we are good friends first and both still married.
I think maybe we wanted it to work out casually, and kept pushing/hoping for it to work, because, well, we wanted to get some, and in addition we wanted to continue to be friends (and really couldn’t do so without eventually wanting to end up in bed it seems), but didn’t know how to do it, without rushing or stunting the others current “relationship IQ”.
Sadly, in situations like these, there isn’t really anything that can be done until you can at least get close to the same place. The timing doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to be closer than this.
Who knows if it will ever line up. No one really does, life is fun like that. I know we’ll be friends again at some point, although once that barrier is breached and that physical attraction is formed or amplified from a good friendship, its almost always impossible to go back, so what that means, I don’t know.
Would I ever disconnect and JUST be physically attracted to him or vice versa? … I’m pretty sure that could never happen barring some core personality changes on both our behalf’s. Would I ever want to be just friends without that closeness? Would it ever really feel okay to be together without being able to be intimate? ::ponders:: hard to know.
If the pattern means anything, we’d probably just end up in bed together and go from there again. If this situation proves anything, is that it’s all just trial and error sometimes until you get it right.
I remember I said at one point “the best relationships, be it friendships or more, are those that define themselves” … I think when I said that I was leaving out the ever important issue of timing though. Timing is a bitch.
Even despite the craziness of the last day and confusion.. I think we managed to pause this all before any permanent damage was done, and that’s half the battle in things like this. I do think I will feel a little disconnected or just off somehow not talking in a few days, but that’s what has to be done right now.
Life and the relationships we make throughout are surprising, wonderful and painful all at the same time, and it sure does make it interesting, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I think what has been bugging me the most the last few days has been trying to figure out what exactly was the problem that led to the uncomfortable unsure feeling I, as well as he, was suffering from… and I am pretty sure my brain has used the last 3 days and sorted it out finally, at least to some extent.
In the short: You can’t force a casual relationship from an attraction that by nature isn’t just casual.
Casual Sex ≠ Casual Intimacy – since by definition, intimacy isn’t casual
Intimacy generally refers to the feeling of being in a personal association and belonging together. It is a familiar and close connection with another as a result of entering into a relationship through knowledge and experience of and with the other. Genuine intimacy in human relationships requires dialogue, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity.
I’ve come to realize that Friends With Benefits or having casual sex only works, when you are physically attracted first and friends second, typically not even *great friends and usually only due to a shared interest or two which led to the initial meeting in the first place. Which is the reason you usually can’t turn friends with benefits into anything but that, since there is nothing to base an actual intimate relationship on.
Wheres the problem then? I mean, that’s really how the majority of actual lasting relationships are started, usually very good relationships*. If you can be good friends first, you pretty much have it made!
*although, ignorance is bliss tends to mean that “love at first sight” or physical attraction being the main factor in a relationship, can work for some people – I, and most of my good friends, just happen to not fit that category
Unless… you try to force it to be something its not. Much like if you were to try to force a fling or mainly sexual situation into being a lasting relationship, you can’t go the other way either.
Enter the main problem: He has no idea what he wants, or really likes/is looking for, and just, for many good reasons, isn’t ready for anything that involves commitment. I, however, know, at least in most ways, what type of people and connections I want to have in my life, be it in a relationship or just lasting friendship. I know what I am looking for, and can tell when I find something worth holding onto in whatever way.
That being said, I knew his problems from the get go so I had to tell myself to go into this and not get involved past a certain point, which, on many levels worked just fine. I cared, and will continue to care quite a bit because that’s who I am, but I didn’t fall, which is why I can handle this in a fairly sane way right now I suppose. Yay.
However, because we agreed our attraction is built on something more intangible/communication based, you can only turn off so much without feeling like something isn’t quite right at any given time.
Like you don’t know how to feel about the other person. Should you want to see them more? less? Should you care what they want? should you not care? Is it ok to plan something or does that make it worse? WTF am I doing?!??!?…
in short: Just because you know you aren’t ready or you know they aren’t in a place for something, doesn’t mean you can change the way you connected in the first place.
This, I believe, will ultimately create uncomfortableness until both parties find themselves in the same (or at least much closer) place/time.
Enter the issue: On top of all of this basic knowledge, you throw in a few outside comments, a little ill-defined intentions, misread thoughts, and some “way too soon” situations, that even committed new COUPLES can’t handle well, and you are in for a world of frustration and stress.
A game plan in a perfect world would be to “start over” when both parties are on the same field. Do what comes easy, restart that friendship, and talking, let the sex and intimacy enter naturally again, and just be by yourselves, 100% committed to forming an actual relationship. Communicating about likes, dislikes, dos and don’ts and go from there. Let the first few weeks or month be just for you two and after that, bring in other people in the normal way, go together to a party, where you can break off and mingle, and relax. Do this in spurts, maybe then find another newer couple as well, and define your relationship to the other people, and discuss what you are comfortable with when out with your partner before hand. Finally, if/when the need arises, spend time with more serious couples in less serious situations, movies, games, parties… and work up to dinners and more private events, and always, make time for couple time as well as alone time in healthy amounts. This assures a much less stressful and healthy environment for a relationship to grow from.
Not only in my situation did we do ALL of the above incorrectly and too quickly, we did it while not even in an relationship and forcing an incompatible “definition”, or lack there of, that would probably never work, because we are good friends first and both still married.
I think maybe we wanted it to work out casually, and kept pushing/hoping for it to work, because, well, we wanted to get some, and in addition we wanted to continue to be friends (and really couldn’t do so without eventually wanting to end up in bed it seems), but didn’t know how to do it, without rushing or stunting the others current “relationship IQ”.
Sadly, in situations like these, there isn’t really anything that can be done until you can at least get close to the same place. The timing doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to be closer than this.
Who knows if it will ever line up. No one really does, life is fun like that. I know we’ll be friends again at some point, although once that barrier is breached and that physical attraction is formed or amplified from a good friendship, its almost always impossible to go back, so what that means, I don’t know.
Would I ever disconnect and JUST be physically attracted to him or vice versa? … I’m pretty sure that could never happen barring some core personality changes on both our behalf’s. Would I ever want to be just friends without that closeness? Would it ever really feel okay to be together without being able to be intimate? ::ponders:: hard to know.
If the pattern means anything, we’d probably just end up in bed together and go from there again. If this situation proves anything, is that it’s all just trial and error sometimes until you get it right.
I remember I said at one point “the best relationships, be it friendships or more, are those that define themselves” … I think when I said that I was leaving out the ever important issue of timing though. Timing is a bitch.
Even despite the craziness of the last day and confusion.. I think we managed to pause this all before any permanent damage was done, and that’s half the battle in things like this. I do think I will feel a little disconnected or just off somehow not talking in a few days, but that’s what has to be done right now.
Life and the relationships we make throughout are surprising, wonderful and painful all at the same time, and it sure does make it interesting, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
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